The days of TD Bank's Penny Arcade are gone. Maybe the lawyers are to blame.
Shakespeare's "Henry VI, Part II" contains the immortal line, "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."
It might be more appropriate to pelt them with pennies, based on an announcement that came Thursday.
TD Bank said -- not entirely surprisingly -- that it will remove permanently its consumer-accessible, coin-counting Penny Arcade machines from the lobby in its branches. Few other banks have such public machines.
The move follows tests by several news organizations that found the machines didn't always return vouchers for the same amount of loose change that was dumped in the hopper. Our own nj.advancemedia test last month found some coin machines (not the ones at TD) to be inaccurate.
At first, Cherry Hill-based TD responded that it was taking its machines out of service temporarily for "enhanced testing" and extra maintenance.
Then something else happened: A New York woman, claiming she was shorted by TD's machines, sued the bank. The lawsuit was filed in U.S. District Court, Camden, by attorneys from Marlton and Manhattan. Citing an NBC News test, it alleges the bank "deceptively short-changed consumers of their funds."
TD hasn't confirmed that it yanked the coin-counters over the lawsuit. It seems pretty obvious, though. The suit could easily win class-action certification, bringing refund claims from hundreds of thousands of customers.
Regardless of whether or not plaintiffs can prove that TD intentionally defrauded anyone, the likely result is this: a settlement where each customer who used a machine can claim a refund of maybe $2. But the settlement would cost the bank millions, with at least a third going to the attorneys and administrative expenses.
Thus, we have the conundrum of modern consumer litigation. It has morphed considerably since Ralph Nader began calling out Chevrolet Corvairs that killed people. Today, class-action suits frequently compensate the financially injured in -- well, in pennies -- and frustrate everyone except those who can cash in the most.
The ability to file class-action suits is important. The lawsuits have made companies more vigilant about fixing or withdrawing unsafe or defective products, often standing in for lax government oversight. Bottom line: TD should be held accountable and punished if it skimmed its customers' funds.
The question is, should consumers be further punished, too? In exchange for a $2 check to those who bother to file claims, every consumer is forever denied a convenient place to cash out their coin jar. Is it worth it? At least as many people who answer "yes" would answer "no."
That said, it shouldn't be rocket science to have a machine that counts money accurately, survives the occasional toy soldier or subway token that gets mixed in, and doesn't require hourly maintenance.
One final question: Are any companies that manufacture these machines the same ones that will count our votes in November?
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